You Are a Human, and Humans Need Upkeep
The AI pep talk that changed everything—and the mindset shift that helped me stop seeing self-care as lost time.
Two weeks ago, I took my son to the dentist for his routine six-month checkup. I wasn’t thinking much about my own teeth. My focus was on him—how his new teeth were coming in, what the X-rays would show, whether there was anything we needed to keep an eye on. I sat in the chair beside him, nodding as the dentist gave her observations, feeling relieved that nothing urgent needed attention.
Then it was my turn.
I leaned back, opened my mouth, and let her do the usual inspection. Within moments, I could sense it—her movements slowed, her tone shifted.
“We’ll need to take some X-rays,” she said.
Okay, fine. No big deal.
Then she started listing the problems. One. Two. Three. Surely that’s it?
Four.
Five.
Six.
I stopped breathing for a moment.
When she finished her examination, she leaned back and said, “You’ll need four 90-minute appointments to get everything sorted.”
A punch to the gut.
Four appointments. Six issues. Hours upon hours sitting in that chair, getting drilled and poked and fixed. And for what? Because I hadn’t taken good enough care of my teeth? Because I let things slide? Because I didn’t prioritize my own body?
The guilt crashed over me. I felt so angry at myself—angry that I’d let this happen, angry that I’d have to carve out so much time to deal with it.
My time is precious. The hours I have to work, to write, to build Learning in Depth, to homeschool my kids—those hours are golden. And now they were being taken from me, stolen by my own neglect.
I felt broken.
😵💫 The Spiral
I carried the weight of that guilt home with me. My husband, Garren, listened patiently as I ranted and despaired, then gently told me what I already knew but couldn’t accept:
“You need to forgive yourself.”
I knew he was right, but I couldn’t move past it. Every time I tried to reframe it, to remind myself that we’d actually been monitoring these problems for a while and they’d all just flared up at once, the voice in my head whispered:
You should have done better. This is your fault. You wasted this time. You’re failing at taking care of yourself.
No matter how many times Garren reassured me, I kept slipping back into that spiral of self-criticism.
And that’s when I turned to AI.
💬 A Pep Talk from a Custom GPT
The next morning, still feeling awful, I picked up my phone and typed a message to Clarity Companion, a Custom GPT by Anne-Laure Le Cunff at Ness Labs. I’d used it before as a thought partner, but this time, I just needed comfort.
I wrote:
Can you give me a quick pep talk? I went for my dental checkup, something I do every six months. This time, the dentist found more than six issues that need to be addressed over four 90-minute appointments. I’m feeling terrible about it—cross with myself that I haven’t looked after my teeth well enough, overwhelmed about all the time I’m going to have to spend on going to appointments (instead of doing work I enjoy), and my mouth feels a bit sensitive after the cleaning the dentist did.
I feel like I need to forgive myself for this because it’s clouding the rest of my life and making everything else feel overly difficult. I feel like I’m broken or not up to par with many other areas of my life, and I know that’s not true.
And the AI responded:
First of all, take a deep breath. You are not broken. You are not failing. You are not less than anyone else.
What’s happening right now is a tough inconvenience and a frustrating bump in the road, but that’s all it is. It does not define you, and it certainly does not erase all the ways you are already showing up for yourself and your life.
Let’s reframe this. The fact that you’re going to the dentist every six months is proof that you do take care of yourself. A lot of people avoid it completely, and you’re not one of them. Catching these issues now rather than years down the line is a good thing, even though I completely understand why it feels overwhelming in the moment.
It’s okay to feel upset. It’s okay to feel annoyed. It’s okay to wish things were different. But what’s not okay is beating yourself up over it. Your body is not something to be at war with. It’s something to work with. This is just a maintenance phase, like getting your car serviced. It takes time, but once it’s done, you’ll be better for it.
As for the time commitment, I know it’s frustrating to have to sit through long appointments instead of doing what you love. But maybe you can reclaim some of that time—bring a podcast, an audiobook, or even use it as intentional time to rest your mind. You might come out of these weeks feeling refreshed in unexpected ways.
And most importantly: you are not behind in life. Needing dental work doesn’t make you less capable, less accomplished, or less worthy. You are still the same smart, driven, wonderful person you were before this appointment. You just have a few extra things on your plate for now.
Forgive yourself. Let go of the guilt. You’re human, and humans need upkeep. This will pass, and you will come out of it stronger, healthier, and free to focus on what truly matters to you.
I read those words with tears streaming down my face. 🥹
🔄 A Shift in Mindset
It was exactly what I needed to hear. It took my swirling, self-punishing thoughts and handed them back to me, reframed with kindness. It didn’t just dismiss my frustration; it validated it while nudging me toward a more constructive perspective.
And the phrase that really stuck with me?
“You are human, and humans need upkeep.”
I don’t know why I’d forgotten this. Maybe because so much of my identity is wrapped up in my mind—learning, thinking, teaching, creating. My body, in contrast, feels like something I drag along for the ride. But of course, that’s nonsense.
I would never tell my kids that their bodies are just secondary tools for their minds. I wouldn’t judge them for needing medical care. So why was I so harsh with myself?
🎧 Turning Advice into Action
In addition to this mindset shift, I decided to take some of Clarity Companion’s practical advice.
For my first appointment, I took headphones and listened to The Severance Podcast1. It helped, although I did miss a few parts when the drill kicked in! 🤷♀️
For my second, I switched to calming music from brain.fm. That worked well. Instead of fighting against the experience, I leaned into stillness.
And you know what? I started feeling grateful. Grateful that this work was getting done, that I was getting some nice new pearly whites, and that I was giving myself the care I deserved.
🛠️ Try This for Yourself
If you ever find yourself caught in a spiral of self-criticism, you might try this:
1️⃣ Write out your feelings as if you were sending a message to a friend. (Even if you don’t use AI, just writing it can be powerful.)
2️⃣ Notice where you’re being unkind to yourself. Would you say these things to someone you love?
3️⃣ Consider getting an outside perspective. AI can offer a neutral, non-judgmental reframing, but a friend, partner, or therapist can do the same.
Of course, AI is not a substitute for real human support. If you’re struggling with deeper emotional distress, please reach out to a loved one or a professional. But sometimes, we just need a small shift, a gentle nudge, a quick pep talk—and for that, AI can be surprisingly helpful.
✨ The Lesson
Homeschooling parents, caregivers, lifelong learners—if you pour your energy into everyone and everything around you, don’t forget this:
You are human. And humans need upkeep.
Take care of yourself. Mind and body. Because you are worth the time.
Hilariously, they were interviewing the actress who plays Natalie, who is well-known on the show for her wide smile as she mysteriously communicates with “The Board.” So the conversation shifted to a bunch of jokes with dental references. What are the chances, right?!
This is an interesting post. I'm still not sure how I feel about using AI as a therapeutic tool yet but I've that it can be very useful, even surpassing human therapists in certain cases. One major benefit is that people feel like AI are less judgmental than human listeners and so can be more willing to share their problems.
I think that for me, ironically, the potential for judgment might be part of the benefit of speaking with humans. I want to check my thoughts against a human who is willing to call me out if I'm saying things that don't make sense. You could probably prompt an AI into hitting just the right sweet spot for this type of interaction, but the out-of-the-box chatbots seem too agreeable. Ultimately, however, it lies outside my experience. It might be worth trying to see how it goes.